


To Make It Okay

by IWillBeTheEndofYou



Series: The Domestic Lives Of Figure Skaters [24]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Breathing Exercises, Found Family, Ice Dads To the Rescue, Insecurity, M/M, Panic Attacks, Podium Family, Sad Yuri, Yuri Plisetsky Needs a Hug, coach victor, parenting, working together, yuuri is a good dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:20:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29363145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWillBeTheEndofYou/pseuds/IWillBeTheEndofYou
Summary: Yuri is having a bad time on the ice. Yuuri is there.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Series: The Domestic Lives Of Figure Skaters [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2046686
Comments: 23
Kudos: 111





	To Make It Okay

It had started out as a good day. He woke up early, submitted a few papers and assignments for school early. Called Dedushka and chatted for a little bit. He had even folded up his laundry before they had left the house, which made Katsudon happy. 

Things went a little sideways at the rink. His step sequence wasn't coming together the way he wanted it to. He grit his teeth and kept trying. But every time he looked up, Victor was working with someone else, and not available.

“You're doing fine, Yurio.” he said absently. “Just keep trying.”

Well, that wasn't very good advice. He huffed and shook his head, working on focusing on the sequence. But again, and again, he knew that it wasn't right. He growled in frustration, glancing over at his coach.

Victor wasn't even looking at him. He was working instead with another young skater on his turns. He was smiling, nodding, showing him the best way to hold his arms. Yuri paused, biting down on his lower lip.

What if Victor didn't think he was worth coaching anymore? His hands clenched big handfuls of his shirt as he watched. The skater, a pretty looking young man with dark hair, was grinning back, blushing at the praise he was receiving.

What if Victor wanted to coach that kid instead? What if he thought he had more potential? What would that mean for his guardianship? Where would he go? Could he find another coach? Could he afford another coach? Would he get thrown out?

His brain was spinning, and his knees were quaking. Yuri felt his heart give a few strange thumps in his chest. He pressed his palms to his chest. He tried to shout for someone, anyone, but his voice seemed to be frozen. He could only manage a weak squeak before he collapsed down onto his knees. His hands left his chest to press against his temples, his vision going fuzzy.

Yuuri glanced over as he was heading to take off his own skates. The sight of his son on his knees, seemingly in agony, had him over in seconds.

“Yura? Sweetheart, talk to me.”

“I... can't... breathe.” he choked out. 

“What?” Yuuri gripped his chin and tried to coax him to look up. The wide look in his eyes, the tight way he was breathing. Yuuri got it immediately. He stood up and coaxed Yuri to standing up as well.  
“Come on, sweetheart.”

“I can't,” he gasped.

“Focus on my voice. Hear me? Can you hear me?” Yuri nodded. “That's good! Good. Can you feel my hands on yours?” he had gently pried the hands from his temples. He carefully gave those hands, so cold, trembling a little bit, a squeeze. Yuri nodded.  
“That's perfect, sweetheart. Come with me.”

And his feet began to move, carefully penguin walking towards the exit. Yuuri got them to a bench and wrenched off his own shoes. He glanced around. So far no one else had really noticed. Perfect, he thought. He didn't want anyone else to come over and start asking questions.

He knelt down and made quick work of Yuri's skates.

“Look how well you're doing. You made it off the ice.” he spoke softly. “I'm so proud of you, sweetheart.” Yuri was gripping the sides of the bench with white knuckles. He set the skates aside. Victor would see them and grab them.   
“Come on love, just a little bit more. We just have a little bit more to go.”

“Where?” he managed.

“Dad's office.” he smiled. “We can sit on the couch. That nice long couch Dad has?” he coaxed him to the office and closed the door tight. Yuri liked this couch. He would sometimes retreat here to work on homework or take a nap.

Yuuri sat down. Yuri climbed into his lap, his arms wrapping around his neck. Well, that was better, he thought. When he had panic attacks, he couldn't stand to be touched. It would be easier to help calm him down this way.

“You gotta breathe for me, baby.” he whispered, feeling his son hyperventilate. “It's gonna be okay.”

“It won't!” he managed. “He's gonna throw me out.”

“We'll talk about it. We'll figure out whatever is bothering you. But right now, I want you to breathe for me.” he kissed his temple.  
“Take a deep breath in while I count to four. One, two three, four. Oh that's great, baby. Now hold it for six...two, three, four, five, six. Now let it out for eight, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Good! Good job, my love.”

He walked Yuri through a few more cycles until he wasn't gasping and the his heart wasn't pounding against Yuuri's palm as he rubbed his back. He still trembled though, and the older man didn't love that.

“Now, tell me five things you hear.”

“What?”

“Tell me five things you can hear.” he repeated.

“Your voice... I can hear the heating system... the buzz of the electric lights... if I listen carefully, I can hear that sound of blades landing on the ice. I can hear the sound of the cooling system in the rink. I can hear other people talking out at the rink.” Yuri was focusing hard.

It spoke to hour spooked the kid was. If Yuuri tried to walk him through anything else he didn't want to do, he'd rebel. Push back. Make sure he knew he thought it was stupid. Now he was listening carefully. But it was working, he was coming down.

“Tell me four things you can see,”

“Victor's desk, that ugly chair that he claims is uncomfortable and spent too much money on. The pillow at the end of the couch I always lay against. And you,” he added. “I can see you.”

“And me,” Yuuri agreed. There were still a few other things that they could go through, but Yuri was calmed down now. He wasn't trembling. He wasn't hyperventilating. He just looked exhausted. He didn't seem to want to get off his lap, though.

They sat together quietly. Yuuri stroked his hair, rubbed up and down on his back. Sometimes asking too many questions could get overwhelming or embarrassing. He didn't want to trigger another   
panic attack. If he had another one so soon, he was afraid he wouldn't be able to break it, and that would be rough on both of them.

He grabbed the throw blanket that Victor usually tossed over the back of the couch and wrapped it around the both of them. Yuri snuggled under the blanket, looking like he would disappear into Yuuri if he could.

“I know that you're tired and would like to forget about what just happened. We need to talk about it. Can you tell me what triggered that?” he asked softly.

“It's stupid.”

“It isn't stupid. It's something that bothered you. Feelings aren't rational and they don't have to be.” he smiled. How often had he said that to himself?

“Vitya wasn't helping me with my step sequence.” he admitted in a little voice. “And he was helping the new boy. And I just thought like, what if he doesn't want to be my coach anymore. And if he doesn't want to be my coach anymore, there's no way he'll want me to live with you guys. And then where will I go?”

“Oh Yura,” he gave him a big hug, well pleased when the kid returned it. “That must have been upsetting to feel like that.”

“Kinda. It's stupid though.” he repeated.

“You're allowed to feel how you feel.” he gave a little squeeze. “I don't want to speak for Victor, though. But I know he'd want to hear how you're feeling so he can talk it through with you. I do want to tell you that we'd never throw you out. We don't love you just because you're good at skating. We love you because you're ours and you're so much more than that.”

“It doesn't always feel like that.” he admitted.

“It doesn't feel like we love you for other reasons, or it doesn't feel like you're more than that?” 

“Doesn't feel like I'm more than that. I know that time on the ice is short, so I have to make the most of it.” he sighed. “And I worry about what will happen to me after.”

“There's a whole world out there for you to discover, Yura. The ice isn't the only part of it. It might be the best part of it right now, but it's not all there is to see. You'll find another passion. You'll find other things that make you feel as whole as this does.” Yuuri smiled.

“What else makes you feel whole?”

“You and Dad. But there might be something else for you other than family. And that's perfectly fine.” he assured. The door to the office swung open, and Victor stood there, clutching two pairs of skates and looking slightly worried.

“There you two are!” he exhaled. “I was worried when I saw your skates and you weren't sitting there or in the locker room.”

“Yuri had a panic attack.” 

“He did?” Victor frowned and put the skates down. He walked over to kneel down in front of his son, still seated on his husband's lap.  
“What happened? Are you all right?” he touched his face, let his hand go down to his shoulder, as though that touch could ensure that the kid was fine.

“You can tell him, sweetheart.” Yuuri prompted.

“You didn't help me with my step sequence.” Yuri couldn't look his guardian in the eye. “And every time I asked, you just told me to keep trying. You were helping the new boy with his spins. So I thought that maybe you didn't think I was worth coaching anymore, and then you'd throw me out.”

Victor sat back on his heels, stunned.

“I didn't mean to make you feel that way.” he blinked a few times. “I apologize, Yura. Pavel is new, and he needed some help. I thought that you could manage just fine on your own. I see that I was mistaken, and that was an error as your coach.” he took a deep breath.  
“And I never, ever want you to be worried about us throwing you out. Whatever I haven't done to make you feel secure is my fault. And that is my error as your parent. I'm sorry, darling. I didn't want you to feel that way. We'd never throw you out.”

Yuri didnt speak, only threw his arms out from Yuuri's lap around Victor's neck. The older Russian gave him a hug, a kiss on the side of his head. 

“I knew it was stupid.” he shrugged, sounding ashamed. He was irritated with himself. Today had started off so well. Why was he now having such a hard time? It didn't make sense. And of course he'd pulled Katsudon off the ice. That didn't make him feel much better.

“It wasn't stupid. It was the way you felt. Your feelings are never stupid, Yuri. And you're allowed to have them.” Victor murmured in his ear. “You're not stupid, Yuri. You're my brave, strong, talented son. And I could not love you more.”

“I'm sorry I made you get off the ice, Papa.” he glanced at Yuuri.

“I was getting off anyway.” he shrugged. “I just happened to look over and notice you. It's fine. Don't worry about it. You never have to apologize for needing to be taken care of. That's what a parent does for a child.”

Victor stood up, gave his husband a kiss and reached for his jacket hanging in the office. Yuuri unwound them both from the blanket, helped Yuri stand up. He folded the blanket and put it back on the back of the couch. He reached for Victor's hand and held out his other one to Yuri.

“Ready to go home? I'll put you to bed, give you a cup of tea. Or we can sit on the couch and watch that superhero movie that you like. Whatever you want.” he offered sweetly.

“I wanna watch a movie.” Yuri put his hand in Katsudon's, felt the warmth of his hand. They'd go home. They'd have dinner. It was going to be okay.


End file.
